Teeny Tots Reach a New High

Less than a century ago, it was  scandalous for a woman to show skin above her knees. Needless to say, society has progressed. Now it seems that the skin to clothing ratio is of inverse proportions, making it easy to imagine those conservative old bats of the past rolling over in their graves at the very thought of their descendants dressing so scantily.

But, alas, with a new age comes new standards. And with new standards comes new fashion. So I suppose that there’s something admirable about women being unabashedly proud of their bodies. No longer are their frames mere coat hangers and hat racks. Finally, they can share their God-given gifts with the world! Near-nakedness and all.

And really, it’s only fair to share the wealth. Why should only those who are well-endowed be in the spotlight? No, no, no. The teeny tots of yesteryear have decided that now is their time to shine—and quite literally. They are shedding off society’s overbearing conservative shackles of propriety and revealing their tiny glitter-encrusted bodies to all who would care to see—specific rugrats being Noah Cyrus, Miley Cyrus’s little sister, and crib buddy, Emily Grace Reaves.

These two girls have recently launched their new line of pre-teen clothing: “Oh! La, La! Couture.” Though several items look suspiciously like lingerie—and designer mamas of Cyrus and Reaves insist that they are not—it seems as if this new trend is a new metaphorical and literal high for children’s fashion. Short skirts and shiny fabrics pretty much sum up the collection’s central theme, but despite being advertised as “fashion for fashionistas,” these tutu-tanks look more like a pedophile’s heaven of a little princess turned stripper.

But nine year-olds—even famed celebrity prepubescent teens—shouldn’t be allowed to wear anything that short. Unless it happened to be a tutu and they were dancing. And I mean the pirouette, arabesque, ballerina kind of dancing. Not the “Smack That” or “Tik Tok” kind of dancing. Besides, what’s the rush to reveal? Anything worth displaying hasn’t even developed yet.

What with our generation’s new-fangled bundles of string that some may call a “halter top” and those amazingly versatile tea cozies that cover any manner of four-inch areas from your chest, your butt or a steaming pot of tea, we really have to wonder when exactly to say when.

Kimberly Ong,

Co-Opinions Editor